Doubting Thomas

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29 (NIV)

I'm quite sure my parents didn't choose my name because of any premonition that I might share a skeptical nature with Jesus' disciple Thomas. But, throughout much of my life, I have indeed been the cynic, skeptic...a doubting Thomas. I wasn't an atheist. I was sure there was a God, not not sure of much else. Why was there a God? If He was the creator, why did he create this world or man? So my skepticism was more along the lines of relationship. Fine, so God created this universe, but he certainly doesn't know me, doesn't care about me or my life, doesn't care about suffering. He may be omnipotent, but is he personal?

My doubts were hard to explain too. I believed in the immaculate conception, that Jesus was born of the virgin Mary. I even believed Jesus died and was resurrected. What I didn't believe is that he did so for me. For all the crap in my life, including a lengthy trail of trashed relationships, certainly there were others more worthy. And today, that's where my struggles remain. But, I don't think I'm alone in that regard.

I think for most of us, it's easier to believe Jesus died for others. He died for those that died tragically, the innocent victim of an automobile accident, the mother who died after a battle with breast cancer, the soldier who died defending our country. Jesus certainly died for them. But for the rest of us? For those of us who yell at our children for no reason. Or those who drink too much. Did he really die for us? Did he really die so that our many sins were forgiven?

Yes. Regardless my skepticism and doubts, Jesus died for me. All I need to do is accept that gift, graciously, with eternal thanks. I thank him most every day for giving his life for me. And some day, I'll thank him in person. I'm sure he laugh about my doubts...and forgive me for that as well!